settled.

I've been thinking a lot this week. Thinking about the phenomenon of feeling at home in a place where I absolutely don't fit in. (Seoul is often a fickle mistress.) I've also reflected a lot on what makes me feel comfortable, or settled.

I am feeling more settled here. Weirdly, since I've started over almost completely in the last month. But I've also realized that a lot of my time here in Korea has been spent waiting. Waiting for the rest of my life to start. Don't get me wrong, the waiting has been full, and fun. But it still has been waiting. (A blog that I like addressed this very issue in a recent post.) It has taken me almost three years to let it sink in - this is my actual life. Not a pre-life. A life, with all it's quirks, hiccups and heartbreaks. And I realized - I like it. I'm really okay with it. What a novel idea!

This epiphany couldn't have come a moment too soon. I have to decide in the next few weeks if I'm going to stay in Seoul or move on to other things. I thought I had made my decision a few months ago... but when it comes down to it, it's so much more difficult than I had anticipated. It really is hard to walk away from a place where you feel settled, even if you know you won't be there forever.

So that's where my head is at this week. Confused. Praying. Talking. But thankful that my life, for now, is settled.

And that I've finally realized that here, and now, is my real life.

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